Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Online dating can be the foundation of a healthy relationship if users disclose certain information to their partner at the right time.

Click here to view an online magazine on online dating.
The formation of romantic relationships online is extremely prevalent in today’s society. Research from relationship psychologists have found that one of the main factors in determining the success in a relationship is self-disclosure. Therefore, online dating can be a beneficial way to find a significant other if both sides can find a medium that discloses enough truthful information to create intimacy while also not releasing too much information that could potentially harm an individual’s vulnerability.

Many different personality types find online dating an alluring way to meet others, and there may even be a specific qualities a person has that leads them online.
Dr. Ryan Curtis, relationship psychology professor at the University of Maryland, explains what exactly people are looking for in online dating.



Essentially, anyone who is ready to have an intimate relationship could seek out online dating. According to researchers, people who have a high sensitivity towards being rejected may also be more comfortable in an online setting because they are more readily able to sort through people who they think will likely reject them, and also be cautious towards potential partners.

If partners aren’t honest with each other from the beginning, it could be detrimental to the relationship.

When self-presenting online, most people end up exaggerating their personalities and creating personas that recognize who they want to be rather than who they are. The online community fosters the capability for controlling one’s identity; therefore people are likely to be less honest with their potential significant other. Researchers questioned people who lied about mundane things like whether they smoked, had kids, physical appearance, etc., they found that participants justify them as mere exaggerations rather than displacements of their true self. These people also engaged in rationalizing techniques such as explaining that others were doing the same exact thing and explained how crucial it was to attract a large pool of dates from which they could choose from.

Ironically, both of these rationales go hand in hand, as people end up choosing from a large selection of dates that are just as likely to lie about their identities as the person choosing. Self-presentation allows for a sense of power (an individual can portray themselves as whoever they wish) but also when used in the wrong light can be a weak method for creating intimacy over the internet. If two people are both engaging in presenting their best selves, then there is no basis for trust and the relationship cannot flourish.

-PAGE 2-
If too much information is disclosed, it can put someone’s well being at risk as we never know who is on the other side of the screen.
Self-disclosure is the most crucial aspect to creating a solid relationship over the Internet. Because people become so wrapped up in the idea of their online personas, they rarely disclose information in a truthful way. The online community fosters the capability for controlling one’s identity; therefore people are likely to be less honest with their potential significant other. With people presenting their absolute best selves online as opposed to their true selves, the success in a potential relationship is unlikely. However according to researchers, participants in online dating on one hand may wish to emphasize their positive attributes and present themselves as appealing.

On the other hand, they may feel the need to put forth their true selves, complete with quirks and flaws, because ultimately they want understanding and acceptance from potential partners. A paradox rings true here: people wish to appear as their best selves, yet be accepted and understood as their most truthful selves. Online dating is successful, but only when both sides are honest from the beginning. 

There is a stigma that online dating can be dangerous because of the possibility of being catfished, but as long as users are careful there is no reason to worry.

If anyone has ever seen MTV’s Catfish, one will simply see
 the significance of relaying too much information is prevalent in the online dating culture. In this TV show, two brothers document cases in which two people are talking over social media instant messengers for years at a time and go out to discover whether or not the person on the other side is truly who they say they are. Most of the time, the person on the other side is an extreme case—the person who set out to find them initially is heartbroken. While in the episodes of the TV show there is no more damage done than a broken heart, there can be some serious consequences to disclosing information with someone who an individual has not met in person.
Click the picture to view the full infographic.
Unfortunately today we face a demon that cannot be fought directly. The internet allows us to engage in deindividuation—a concept in social psychology that describes the act of losing one’s identity when being able to hide in a group. In this case the group is the millions of people hiding behind the computer screen. When one partakes in deindividuation it opens a window of opportunity to convey identity in any way possible, and when the person on the other side shares private information, the unknown can be hazardous. 

Consequently, this conveys interaction in the internet world accurately, causing people to trust friends, possible relationship options and the like with what they would in the real world with no prior knowledge. The reality is that as long as one can be smart about which personal information they disclose—not addresses, or phone numbers, etc.—then they too can be successful in the online dating world. Websites such as Match.com and eHarmony ensure the safety of their participants, therefore the likelihood of safety being an issue in the online dating world is unlikely. As long as participants keep common sense and don’t address any risky information too soon, they should be fine.


People can experience the same physiological signs of falling in love as those who experience in real life.
There are many neurotransmitters involved in the act of falling in love, including dopamine and oxytocin. However, an ongoing issue with research is whether or not these chemicals will be excited in the brain through a computer screen. Curtis seems to think that this is a possibility for falling in love through online dating.



Just as people in Shakespeare's time used to write love letters to one another, online dating is a modernized version of just that. While not enough research has been done to biologically back this possibility of falling in love via computer screen, people can have just as strong feelings for one another as couples in real life. However, it is impossible to have a healthy relationship in the long-run if two people never meet. Since being in love is possible over the internet, the major factor in having a successful relationship online is self-disclosure. 

In order to successfully have a strong relationship, people must find intimacy through a happy medium between being cautious and sharing personal information.
Curtis conveys that intimacy can be possible through the internet despite the lack of physical contact. Physical contact is normally seen as a foundation of intimacy, however it is possible to have an intimate relationship online.



That being said, people need to disclose information that relates to their personal attributes rather than physical details like one’s home address. If individuals that engage in online dating get to know each other’s personalities first, it can actually be more beneficial. People often judge first based off of physical appearance rather than personality, and this can actually be helped through the use of online dating. People who often feel discouraged with their appearance can turn to online dating with hopes to find people who like them for their personalities. As long as they stay truthful about their physical appearance and personality, online dating is successful for people who have not had other avenues of success.

Society is more open to online dating now than several years ago, showing an increase in the likelihood of finding a partner.


When the concept of online dating first entered the digital world, many people saw it as a last resort for finding a significant other. However as our world has become more technologically advanced, people are becoming more open to trying it. Surveys taken by Pew Research shows the percentage of agreement of several statements regarding people's attitudes on online dating in 2005 and 2013. The
stigma that trying dating websites is for people who are desperate has disappeared within the past eight years. The research also shows that there has been an increase in openness within this time frame, as more see online dating as a good way to meet people.


Therefore, since more people are willing to try online dating, there are more options. As long as one healthily presents themselves to potential partners, there is no reason to believe that online dating can't be used to start a healthy relationship. If one is looking to find a significant other online, the whole internet becomes a way to meet the right person.

No comments:

Post a Comment